Insanity Smash
by FireRose Prime
Summary: Extreme Crack Fic. A random mix of characters from Transformers, Harry Potter, Legend of the Seeker, and others. There is a plot. Read and Review.
1. Chapter 1

A/N- I own nothing but myself and the plot. My friend owns herself. This is very random. You have been warned...

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CHARACTERS Special Appearances: Spock, Brona, Captain Picard, Q

Allanon Me (Kaylee)

Zedd Amo

Worf Optimus Prime

Eragon Bumblebee

Harry Megatron

Richard Ratchet

Menion Ironhide

Arya Starscream

Kahlan Paul and Co.

This is written in script format and kills 99.99% of the brain cells that keep you sane. Read at own risk.

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Allanon- what the hell is going on here?

Kahlan- I don't know. Who the hell are you? RICHARD!!!!

Richard- Kahlan calm down I'm right here. Zedd is here too. Just chill. OK?

Kahlan- OK. But who is the tall guy over there? He's creepy.

Allanon- Um. Excuse me. I'm right here and can here everything you say.

Harry and Eragon- AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

Menion- SHUT UP! You dimwits. Allanon what in the name of everything good is going on here?

Allanon- I don't know Menion. I really don't know.

Worf- It seems to me that…

Arya and Eragon- Oh Shut up!

Worf- Make me.

Eragon- OK you asked for it. (Raises hand. Gedwey Ignasia starts glowing)

Worf- OK I'll stop just stop whatever it is your doing.

Arya- that's better.

Zedd- All right, listen everyone. We have to find out how we got here and why.

Everyone (except Richard and Kahlan)- SHUT UP!

Zedd- you did not just tell me to shut up.

Richard and Kahlan- We didn't…

Zedd- Shut up you two. (To everyone else) you think you can take me. The great first wizard Zeddicus Zu'l Zorander. I like to see you try. (Evil smirk)

Allanon- Ok. You want to fight lets have it,

Richard- you two calm down. We don't need any fighting right now. Zedd's right. What we need to do right now is find out how we got here and why.

Menion- Dude, um once you piss him off there is no going back. Trust me I was once almost on the receiving end.

Zedd- All right lets have it.

Richard- you wanna take this outside.

Allanon- you first…

Menion- we are outside stupid.

(The pairs start circling preparing to fight)

ME- Knock it off!!!!!!

Amo- Yeah what she said.

ME- I don't need a echo Amo,

Amo- Sorry.

ME- its all good don't worry. Now back to you four. Allanon and Menion go over there. Richard and Zedd there. Happy now.

(All four nod unhappily)

ME- good now…

(Three comets come crashing down)

Amo and ME- OH MY GOD… Its Optimus Prime and Bumblebee.

ME- and ugh Megatron. EWWWWWW!!!!!!!!

Megatron- Optimus you will never win. Stop trying to protect these insignificant beings.

Optimus Prime- Megatron you are wrong. I will win. The humans will not suffer for your stupidity.

ME- Ummmm. Megatron shut up and sit your aft down.

Megatron- But…

ME- do it. NOW!

Megatron- OK… But I'm not happy.

ME- fine with me as long as you do it.

Optimus- Thank you.

ME- no prob. By the way my name's Kaylee. Excuse me while I make the rest of the idiots shut up and listen.

Optimus- Go ahead.

ME- All right, listen up everyone. I don't know how you got here and I don't really care anyways. The fact remains that you're here with no way of getting back. And if you don't shut up I'm going to slap you all. That's better. Now back to what I was saying. Since you're here and I know whom all of you are, don't even try it Megatron, perhaps you can help me solve a little problem of mine. Megatron I'm still watching you so don't even think it.

Allanon- Excuse me but who are you to be giving us all orders?

ME- ooh, aren't we touchy today. Anyways it wasn't an order it was a suggestion. Allanon you don't have to help. You can just sit back and watch but if our attempts don't work and the world ends well I'll know whom to blame. Hey Bee could you help me with a little something. Your closer so could you put me down there.

Bumblebee- sure.

ME- thank you. Now as I was saying I have a problem that I would appreciate your help in solving.

Harry- and what is this problem?

Amo- Her problem is mental insanity. She's got issues on top of her issues.

ME- thank you the peanut gallery. My problem is I have a bunch of rivals that now hate me trying to kill me and exterminate most all life and restart everything in their image. And Amo I know I have some issues but issues on top if issues that may be a little much. Oh and Megatron if you even think about doing either if the two things I am going to say Primus help me I will kick your aft. First helping them second battling or even thinking bad thoughts about Prime.

Megatron- Why shouldn't I and what are you going to do about it if I did? Oh and what is it with you? Your like all over him.

ME- you don't want to know what I'd do. And as to the second question I have severe F.O.D. like severe. I have the autobot insignia tattooed on my shoulder. See? Optimus just happens to be my favorite. Do you not see the shirt?

Everyone but Megatron- What's F.O.D.?

Amo- **F**angirl **O**bsessive **D**isorder and man does she have it bad when it comes to Opti here. Though she does freak when anyone badmouths Ironhide, Ratchet, and you Allanon. And Kaylee what does your shirt have to do with anything? I mean I can see it has the autobot sign on the front but… Oh.

(I turn around and show every one the back where it says 77 and on top it says Opti's Girl)

Everyone but the two Autobots-…0.o


	2. Chapter 2

**AN-** I hit a bit of a road block in my other story so i decided to write another chappie to this. Thankfully it helped. You all know the drill, REVIEW! Hey and Vote on my Poll on my Profile! THANKZ! :)

I don't own anyone but me. though i wish i owned Optimus everyday.

Thanks to echo the glaceon for making me think of this story again at all! (gives hugs and pickles)

And thanks to all who reviewed for the last one! :)

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Insanity Smash Chapter 2-

Me- Okay now that we have that out of the way… Let's get to introductions. Everyone lets circle up.

(Everyone gets into huge circleish oval)

Me- okay Allanon, you start. Just say your name and a little about yourself.

Allanon- this is stupid. Ugh… My name is Allanon and I am a druid. No, you can't ask what that entails.

Menion- My name is Menion and I am a prince.

Richard- That's cool! I'm Richard and I'm the seeker of truth and lord of D'hara.

Kahlan-(Dreamily) yeah you are… (Snaps out of it) Umm… I'm Kahlan and the Mother Confessor. I'm also Richard's wife… (Stares at Richard)

Richard-Yes you are my dear

Me- Can we continue here?

Zedd- Yes. I, of course, am Zedd. The first Wizard and all around best person in the known universe!

Me- well, now we know who has an ego…

Harry- I am Harry Potter. Umm… I am a wizard, yeah let's go with that. (Nervous chuckling)

Zedd-Not as amazing as me I bet!

Me- (Warningly) Zedd…

Zedd- Humph.

Eragon- I am Eragon and a dragon rider.

Amo- That's so cool!

Arya- And I am Arya, the elven princess.

Me- I have always loved the elves. (Smiles happily)

Worf-I am Lieutenant Worf, chief of security.

Me- Of the starship Enterprise-D, of course. He's like Red Alert and Ironhide all rolled up into one! (Giggles like a fan girl)

Optimus-(Chuckles lightly) I am Optimus Prime, Commander of the Autobots.

Me- And a total cybertronian replacement for Eros. (Stares dreamily)

Amo- Kaylee, knock it off. You're starting to act like Kahlan with Richard.

Me- I can't help it he's so smexy! (Sighs but continues staring at him)

Bee- I am Bumblebee, but everyone calls me Bee. I am the autobot scout.

Me and Amo- Awww! He's sooo adorable!

Optimus- Hey what about me?

Me- Oh don't worry, Mcsexy, I haven't forgotten about you.

Megatron- Ugh, this is disgusting. (Snorts haughtily) I am Lord Megatron, Future ruler of the universe and Leader of the Decepticons.

Me- Hey Megs?

Megatron- What human? And my name is Megatron!

Me- yeah whatever. Where is your bitch?

Megatron- What are you speaking of, Fleshling?

Me- You know, Starscream?

Megatron- How am I supposed to know? Wait, he's right behind you.

Me-What? (Turns around to see Starscream with Ironhide and Ratchet standing behind him) Oh… Hey Screamer! (Waves cheerfully to the SIC)

Starscream- What is going on here? (Looks around irritatedly at the humans)

Zedd- I don't like this guy.

Amo- not many do…

Me- I sort of do. It depends on my mood.

Amo- Sort of like Megatron.

Me-Yeah… like that. Anyways, Hey 'Hide, Ratch! Come on over! (Motions other Autobots over)

Ironhide- Prime, what in Cybertron is going on?

Optimus- I don't really know but Kaylee is a big fan. So, we're going to help with whatever she needs.

Ratchet- You're just saying that because she's a big fan of you and you want to… never mind, I don't care. (To me) Nice shirt.

Me-Thanks Ratchet. You know I'm not just a fan of Op here. I am also a big fan of both of you.

Ironhide and Ratchet- Hmmm… this could get interesting… (Smile mischievously at each other)

Allanon- Kaylee, you do know what they are thinking, right? I mean we can tell and I think most everyone is still freaking out about the fact that there are huge metal beings here.

Me- Oh I know what they are thinking… (Grins evilly) Oh snap! (Turns to the forgotten group) Amo, go try and do some… oh I don't know something! I forgot that most of them don't even really know about technology! Let alone this advanced!

Amo- I'm on it. (Run over to do some damage control)

Me-Well, that could have gone better… (Eyes shift nervously)

Optimus- Well, your world obviously doesn't need help right this klik. Perhaps we could… oh you know… explore a little first?

Megatron- Slag Prime, is your processor always in the gutter?

Ratchet- Yes, I know for a fact it is.

Me and Ironhide-(Laughing our asses off)

Optimus- Thanks Ratchet, now she isn't going to be interested.

Me- Oh don't worry Prime, I'll always be interested. (Winks suggestively)

Ratchet and Ironhide- YAY!

Me- oh great… Hey Amo, come here for a sec.

Amo- (Runs over) Only Worf isn't freaking out.

Me- I see (Frowns a bit) Well, take them inside I'll explain everything tomorrow.

Amo-Why can't you do it now?

Me-(gets shifty eyes) well… you see…

Starscream- She's going to have a massive 'facing session with Optimus, Ironhide, and Ratchet.

Amo- ahhh… Well then, I'm gonna go take care of the others. You have fun. (Smiles at me then walks away)

Me- You know, you didn't have to tell her. She would have figured it out. It isn't like I've never brought it up before. Well, maybe not with her but that's not the point.

Ironhide- Hey, mechs with needs over here.

Me- yeah, yeah, I'm comin. Megatron, you and Starscream can do whatever as long as it doesn't break my two rules. (Phone rings) Crap. (Answers) Hello, what do you want?

Echo- Hey Kay!

Me- What do you want Echo?

Echo- just calling to say hi. What are you doing that's so important anyway?

Me- don't ask. How's soulventry?

Echo- good. A lot better than that comet.

Me- I bet.

Optimus- (in the distance) Hey, Kaylee, Hurry it up!

Me- Frag OP. Give me a sec. Tell 'Hide and Ratch I'll be right there.

Echo- Oh I know what you're gonna do. I better let you go.

Me- Oh shut it. I'll call you back later; I'll need your help.

Echo- Okay. Go have fuuunnnnn. (Hangs up)

Me- Man that girls gonna get it. But later. (Runs to my mechs)


End file.
